GENTLEMEN. THIS WOULDN'T BE A LATE NIGHT
MONOLOGUE WITHOUT A DONALD TRUMP. STORY, AND, YESTERDAY, A NORTH
KOREAN OFFICIAL TURNED DOWN AN. OFFER BY DONALD TRUMP TO VISIT
THE COUNTRY AND MEET WITH KIM.
JONG UN, SAYING THE OFFER IS
"PROPAGANDA" AND "NONSENSE." THIS DOESN'T MAKE TRUMP LOOK
GOOD. YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE WHEN
THE LEADER OF NORTH KOREA IS. LIKE, "I CAN'T ASSOCIATE MYSELF
WITH THAT GUY." (LAUGHTER)
TRUMP GOT TURNED DOWN FOR A. MEETING WITH KIM JONG UN.
SO I GUESS HIS SEARCH FOR A VICE
PRESIDENT ISN'T GOING SO WELL. SERIOUSLY, HOW DO YOU GET DENIED
BY NORTH KOREA? NORTH KOREA MET WITH THIS GUY:
(LAUGHTER) IN SOME LIGHTER NEWS, MEDIA
OUTLETS EVERYWHERE WERE. REPORTING ON THIS TODAY-- IT HAS
GAINED A LOT OF TRACTION ONLINE, APPARENTLY WE HAVE FOUND THE
WORLD'S "MOST HANDSOME HORSE." PEOPLE ARE SAYING THIS IS THE
BEST LOOKING HORSE IN THE WORLD. HIS NAME IS FREDERIK AND
HONESTLY GUYS, I'D RATHER BE.
DOING MORE IMPORTANT NEWS
STORIES. BUT SINCE EVERYONE'S TALKING
ABOUT IT, LET'S GO AHEAD AND. CHECK OUT THIS "GREAT-LOOKING"
HORSE. HOW HANDSOME CAN A HORSE BE? OH MY LORD! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
WOW, THAT REALLY IS A.
GREAT-LOOKING HORSE. HAVE WE GOT ANOTHER PICTURE OF
THAT HORSE? WOW. I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT, BUT THAT
HORSE MAKES ME WANT TO BE A. BETTER MAN.
THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL HORSE! ISN'T THAT? IT'S TAKING THE WIND OUT OF MY
SAILS! I CAN'T TELL JOKES ABOUT THIS
HORSE AS BEAUTIFUL AS THAT! WHOO! LET'S MOVE ON TO THE NEXT STORY. ANYWAY, A STUDY BY THE PEW
RESEARCH CENTER DETERMINED THAT. MORE MILLENNIALS BETWEEN THE
AGES OF 18 AND 34 ARE LIVING. WITH THEIR PARENTS THAN AT ANY
OTHER POINT IN HISTORY.
MILLENNIALS WERE HAPPY TO TAKE
THE POLL, WHILE THEIR PARENTS. WERE PROUD OF THEM FOR FINISHING
THE POLL. HONESTLY, I ACTUALLY THINK
PARENTS ARE THE ONES TO BLAME. FOR THIS.
IF THEY REALLY WANT THEIR KIDS
TO MOVE OUT, THEY JUST HAVE TO. DO ONE THING: CHANGE THE WI-FI
PASSWORD. NOW TO OUR MAIN STORY--
MAIN-- THAT MANE-- SORRY. CAN WE SEE THAT HORSE ONE MORE
TIME? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
LOOK AT THAT MANE.
COULDN'T YOU JUST LOSE YOURSELF
IN IT? THEY SAY HE'S WILD, BUT I KNOW I
CAN TAME HIM. ANYWAY, SORRY. GET WITH IT. THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY RIGHT.
LET'S GET SERIOUS. A SCHOOL BOARD IN NORTH CAROLINA
HAS VOTED TO DO AWAY WITH NAMING. CLASS VALEDICTORIANS, STATING
THAT IT FOSTERED AN ENVIRONMENT. OF "UNHEALTHY COMPETITION." SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
THE SAME STATE THAT DOESN'T LET
TRANSGENDER PEOPLE USE BATHROOMS. IS WORRIED ABOUT HURTING
SOMEONE'S FEELINGS. IT'S NOT THAT THEY DON'T LIKE
ALL VALEDICTORIANS, NORTH. CAROLINA JUST DOESN'T LIKE ANY
BOYS WHO WEAR GOWNS.
I MEAN, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
SENSE. IF SCHOOLS STOP KEEPING TRACK--
TRACK-- RACETRACK-- HORSES-- (LAUGHTER)
(SEXY MUSIC) (CHEERING)
MAN, THAT'S ONE HORSE I'D LOVE. TO RIDE. OH, NOT LIKE THAT! I'M NOT SAYING IT LIKE THAT.
I'M SAYING I WANT TO HAVE SEX
WITH IT! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
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